Growing in Grace

My friend Jackie is creating and selling handmade notecards to help raise money to go toward their Russian adoption.  She is a truly wonderful woman and her family will be the perfect place for two little ones that are waiting to find their forever family.

If you’d like to help her out and get some awesome stationery in the process, please click on the button below and go order your own personalized set!

Purchase Homemade Notecards Here

Filed under: Creative Notions on July 10th, 2008 | 3 Comments »

I hope you are all having a great weekend!  Dh is being sent to Australia again and has been home since Thursday, so time on the computer has been scarce.  If I have to choose between spending time with him before he leaves and writing, I’ve got to choose him! :)

We spent a wonderful morning at the park with friends yesterday and had time with my family last night.  Dh and the kiddos bought all kinds of fireworks that we shot off at dusk last night and we’ve got some fun pictures that I hope to get uploaded soon.

I’ve begun planning the 2008-2009 school year and should have all my ducks in a row next week.  I had taken seven boxes of books to trade at a local used bookstore and was able to use the trade credit to buy readers for both boys that should get us through much of the year!

I honestly can’t tell if my medicine is really helping or not, but I’m hopeful that by the end of this week, I’ll notice a continued difference.

Tomorrow dh leaves at the crack of dawn, so I should have some time to catch-up around here after we get him safely off!

Filed under: Day to Day on July 5th, 2008 | 1 Comment »

I have to thank you guys for being so supportive and encouraging about my decision to get help for depression. I have had more than one person say, “I had no idea this was going on with you.” And, that was intentional. I didn’t want anyone to see how difficult things were for me right now.

And they have been for a while. Dh and I were talking last night and I can see that I wasn’t myself as much as a year ago. Really, I think it started after the birth of ds3 and has only recently gotten much worse.

I have worked very hard for a long time to keep everything ‘just so’. I am spinning tons of plates and some are labeled: housework, schedules, schooling, church, self-image, outward appearance, wife, mother, sister, friend, daughter, leader, employee, inner questions, and the list could go on.

The goal has been to keep them all spinning when you are looking. If you look away, I can lay one down and try to catch my breath until you turn back around. But, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to manage all those plates with real finesse.

When I left the doctor’s office last week, there was a sermon playing on the radio that really spoke to where I am. The pastor was talking about Gideon (Judges 6-7).

Gideon’s story is this: he was told to go to battle, but the Lord whittled his army down to 300 men. They were sorely outnumbered, and Gideon wasn’t sure how that was going to work in his favor. God’s instructions were for his men to each carry a horn and a torch covered by a clay pot. Then, they snuck up on the enemy camp and all together broke their pots and blew their horns. The sudden lights and noise threw the enemy into such confusion that they killed one another and Gideon sent his own soldiers to pick up the few that escaped.

The point of this particular sermon was that sometimes we have to be broken for the Lord’s light to shine through us.

When the soldiers had the pots over the torches, the probably glowed nicely, but they were only effective in winning the battle when they were completely broken.

We may be working hard to keep the plates spinning, but to what end? People will say, ‘Wow, she’s really got it all together.” But how does that bring glory to God? That brings glory to self.

I’ll admit that I have searched for that approval from others. It feels good to be complimented on your juggling skills.

However, when we admit to being broken, flawed, less than perfect, then we can be an example of how Christ can be a part of the lives of regular people, who *don’t* have it all together. If I can share God’s grace to others while I’m crumbling inside, then that totally isn’t me, that is God working through me.

My mask only serves to take glory away from God instead of bring glory to Him.

My natural bent is to be prideful and self-reliant. I would love to be perfect. In fact, I’ve written about that struggle with perfection more than once before. I struggle to give things over to God and let Him handle them. It’s like I keep trying to take it all back and work it out without His help.

And, I keep failing.

So, let me get it out there in black and white…I am completely flawed. There is no sense in me trying to bring glory to myself because goodness knows that would be misplaced…unless you want to admire someone with laundry hidden in a huge storage container because she’s run out of hamper space.

Instead of keeping up the image, I am letting go of some of that need for approval and desire for perfection (probably not all…it’s a work in progress, you know!). If that lets other people see that I desperately need God to make it through the day, then great! I don’t want you thinking that I can manage on my own.

Sometimes being broken can be a good thing. Or at least, it can be okay. I’m learning to accept that.

Filed under: Inside My Head, Life with Jesus on July 2nd, 2008 | 4 Comments »

Yesterday I woke up and couldn’t speak at all above a whisper.  That seems to be common for me when the rest of the family is having sinus troubles, so I wasn’t completely surprised.

It wasn’t until this morning, however, that I realized how helpful having no voice actually can be.

I was sitting at the kitchen table eating my eggos and suddenly from the corner of my eye I notice something moving to my right.  I glance over and see a mouse.

AND IT SCAMPERS RIGHT ACROSS THE KITCHEN FLOOR WHILE I’M SITTING THERE!!!!!

Good heavens.  If there was ever a time that it was a blessing *not* to be able to scream, this was it.  Most of the kiddos were still asleep and that would certainly have woken the household!

I called dh and proceeded to explain to him in my best whisper that there was A MOUSE!! in the kitchen.  And, it had gone from behind the stove to behind the refrigerator right in front of me.  And I was currently sitting on the counter.  And I didn’t know how I was going to get the biscuits out of the oven since the mouse was behind the refrigerator and I was on the counter.

Did I mention that the mouse was BEHIND THE REFRIGERATOR??  RIGHT NOW?!?!

Dh, bless his heart, couldn’t help but laugh at me and say he didn’t have me pegged for the “climb on a chair and shriek” kind of girl.  Well, evidently he was wrong.

I gathered my wits and got off the counter.  Then I proceeded to stomp about and slam drawers making all kinds of racket hoping to scare the mouse so he wouldn’t want to come back out.

Eventually I did get the biscuits out of the oven.

We’re calling a pest service today.  Well, dh is.  All I can do is whisper.

Filed under: Day to Day on July 1st, 2008 | 4 Comments »

If you are looking for some inexpensive entertainment for your own kiddos, Target has some sidewalk chalk on a clearance endcap.  I bag of 100 pieces for $2.50. 

Not bad…but, they neglect to tell you that once you open the package, there are large pieces around the outside and a bag of small chalk in the center, bringing the total up to 100 pieces without actually giving you 100 regular sized sidewalk chalk pieces.

But, I digress.

We bought the bag and the kiddos had fun at mom and dad’s house Tuesday afternoon.

Ds1 created a kickball field.

Ds2 made his own zoo.

Even my mom got in on the action, although I didn’t get a  shot of her drawing.  It was good fun and made me consider pulling out a quart of chalkboard paint that I have in the basement and creating a place for the kiddos to draw whenever they want to.

Filed under: Kiddos on June 30th, 2008 | 1 Comment »

A couple of weeks ago, I was painting dd’s toenails and ds3 was watching intently.  He didn’t want to be left out of the action, so I painted his too.  Didn’t hurt anything and his crocs cover his toes.

Then we had to get him new shoes (which, btw, were the same size dd wears and she is two years older than him!!) and his toes showed, so the polish had to go.

Last night, he was writing on the marker board and then he came to me talking about how “pretty” he was.  He had found a new use for the marker board marker.

He ‘polished’ his own nails.  A lovely shade of purple.

Filed under: Kiddos on June 28th, 2008 | 3 Comments »

Thursday morning, I went to the doctor hoping to get help with a pressing issue that seems to have no end in sight.

For the past few months, I have been more irritable than is normal.  In fact, I am not only irritable, but unpredictably so.  If the kiddos do something, it may or may not elicit the same reaction from me two times in the same day.

Also, I am increasingly apathetic toward things that I need to do.  I find comfort in lists and schedules, but once the lists are made, I have to force myself to do thing on those lists.  Really, I don’t care if they get done or not.

I cry more than usual.

While I still find enjoyment from scrapping, stamping, reading, and writing, sometimes I don’t really care if I get to do them or not.

When I have some time and know that there are things to be done, I’m just as likely to go upstairs and rest in my pretty new bedroom as I am to tackle anything to completion.

Frequently, I have to force myself to finish things I’ve started.  And I feel disconnected when I am in the midst of activities.  Even fun things are just things that I need to finish so I can move on to the next item on the agenda.

After conversation with the doctor, he affirmed my suspicion that I am, in fact, suffering from depression. 

Depression.

And not only that, but he recommended medication for at least the next few months to try and help me get back to ‘normal’.

And, I went and got the medication.

Medication.

I really hate this.

I like to be in control.  I like to have things just so.  I like order and schedules and checklists.  And, I’ve run into something that not only can I *not* fix, but I have to admit to other people that I can’t even hold it all together most days anymore.

While depression is increasingly common, I still feel like it is something to be whispered about and hidden.  I mean, it’s not like I’ve had some significant tragedy take place that makes it hard to cope.  I just can’t handle life right now.  Regular run-of-the-mill life.

I feel weak.  I don’t like to be weak.  I don’t like to look weak.  I prefer the alpha role, thank you very much.  I don’t want to be relegated to a statistic who has to pop a pill every morning to get through the day.

Yet, here I am.

A statistic.

But, it helps explain why I don’t want to answer the phone when it rings.  Why I haven’t made bread in months and months.  Why I don’t know what to do in the kitchen when I don’t have a written plan. 

I can’t think on my feet well right now.  My answer to many questions from the kiddos is, “I don’t know.”  Or “Not right now.”

I can’t get inspired to write about the things that are deep in my heart.  It’s much easier to post cute pictures than it is to ask where God is when everything seems so difficult.

According to the doc, it will take a few weeks to see improvement.  But, he assures me that I will notice a difference soon.  And the people around me will too.

I hope he’s right.

And, I hope that putting it out on the table like this helps take away some of the stigma that I feel.  The stigma that makes it hard to admit how defeated I feel.  How I hope that people understand that I’m still trusting in the Lord, I just need a little extra intervention. 

I’m ready to be back to ‘normal’.

Filed under: Inside My Head on June 27th, 2008 | 9 Comments »

One day last week, whenever I’d pass the wee one in his crib, I’d smell A&D ointment.  It was strange because I hadn’t put any one him on his last diaper change, but I attributed it to leftover smells since the pack and play where he rests also has a changing table attached.

Ds3 was down for a nap and the bigger kiddos were all playing downstairs.  Dd went up to get something and came down to tell me that ds3 was in the baby stuff.

So, *that’s* where that smell came from.  Great.

When I went upstairs, he had finished his play and fallen asleep.  Covered in A&D.  He was gated in his room, but managed to find a small tube of A&D that he went to town with.  He is an absolute bear when you wake him from a nap prematurely; I wasn’t going to add that complication to things.  So, he slept in it.

Since it is clear, you can’t really tell, but he is completely covered on his stomach, arms, and legs…as well as his hair!

I asked him where the tube was and he quickly pointed it out.  On the carpet, right next to a couple of toys that he coated top to bottom.  Here is what was left.

The rest of the night, his hair wasn’t the same. 

I won’t have to worry about dry skin on this one for a while!

Filed under: Kiddos on June 26th, 2008 | 1 Comment »

Sunday afternoon we were at my parent’s house and pulled out a slip and slide that my sister bought for the kiddos last year at the end of the season.  It was a beautiful day and my dad was going to wash the cars, so it was prime time for the slip and slide!

Unlike slip and slides from my own childhood, this one had an inflatable portion at the beginning so when you take off and land on it, you don’t get scraped up and bruised from the neck to the navel.  You land gently and then move on to the slippery uninflated part.

Ds1 and ds3 absolutely loved it!

Ds2 preferred to be on the sidelines watching the action.

And dd seemed to hate it sometimes!  She didn’t want to get water in her face, I think, so that made the slip and slide nearly impossible for her!  Plus, dad and I ‘helped’ her go down it a couple of times…causing her to be even more against it!

Fun times :)

Filed under: Family Ties on June 25th, 2008 | 4 Comments »

More Than Just Following the Directions

Obedience…that’s something most parents really want to cultivate in their child’s life.  It is what allows a child to have a clear conscience.  In fact, children are commanded to obey their parents in the Bible in Ephesians 6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

And for lots of parents and children, this is where it stops.  If the child is obedient, the parent is satisfied.  However, if you keep reading in Ephesians after the command for obedience, here’s what you fin dout: “Honor your father and mother - which is the first commandment with a promise - that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life.” Ephesians 6:2-3

Honor your father and mother is a separate instruction, because obedience and honor, while sharing some of the same traits, are not the same thing.

One easy way to look at it is seen on pg 29, “Although obedience gets the job done, honor addresses how the job is done.” 

“Honor requires a shift in our thinking.  It requires us to ask different questions about life.  It means acting and talking in a manner that pleases others even when they are not around.  Honor teaches you to consider the needs of others, not just your own.” (pg 30)

Ephesians 6:1-3 is like a job description for children and we have to equip them to do the job.  They have to be taught honor; it doesn’t come naturally.  

I don’t know about you, but I think that I expect the kiddos to obey without being taught how to obey.  Sometimes that is unreasonable and causes more strife than is necessary between us.  Sometimes it’s just me being lazy and not wanting to follow up on my own instructions to them, but I will get upset when they haven’t completed a task and if I had been more hands-on during the instruction, they would have been able to do their part better.  Does that make sense? 

It goes along with training kiddos to do chores.  I would much rather simply tell them to clean their room and come back 30 minutes later and have a sparkling room awaiting my approval.  But, we all know that’s not how it works.  If I really want their room clean, I have to go in and give step by step instructions and assistance to get the job done.  It is overwhelming to them to be given the whole room at once and they don’t know where to begin or how to best use their efforts.

So, if I have to train them to obey, it only makes sense that I would have to train them even more in honor.  Honor is in opposition to our selfish nature.  I have to learn honor myself; they aren’t going to be more naturally inclined to honor me if I can’t model that to them.

The next section of the chapter discusses two choices that kids can have from you when they don’t want to obey.  The first one should be used if your child doesn’t obey without complaining or whining.  When you give an instruction and they balk, you can say, “Obey first, then we’ll talk about it.”  This gives them an opportunity to talk about what they didn’t want to do, but only *after* they have complied with your request.

Once your child is good at responding without whining and complaining, they have earned the privilege of what Turansky and Miller call “The Wise Appeal”  Using the wise appeal, your child gets to request an alternative to your instruction in an honoring and respectful way.  They have to be willing to take no for an answer and have to have a creative solution for reaching a compromise on your instruction. 

I made posters with the formula for a wise appeal on them to hang in a couple of key locations in our house.  Since it is a formula where your kids basically fill in the blanks with what they understand that you want, what the problem is with your request, and what they would like to instead, even young children can learn to use the wise appeal correctly.

At this stage in the game, I still deal with whining and complaining when I give instructions, so we aren’t ready for the wise appeal yet.  When we get there though, I’m excited about the possibilities.

Lastly, Turansky and Miller discuss how it’s important to help your kids get out of negative cycles that you see developing.  One suggestion that I particularly liked in this section was allowing the child to choose an activity for the family to do together.  This comes after you’ve talked with your child about the negative problems, but it allows them to relate to the family in a positive way.  And, in a way that they have chosen, not one you have forced.

Have any of you been successful in helping your kiddos break a negative cycle or pattern?  I know that here, we have lots of meanness toward dd from the big boys.  Now, with her whining and squealing, she brings some of it on herself, but they do pick on her a lot.

She is the only girl and I understand that she will never have the relationship with the big boys that they have with one another, but I would love to see them be more kind to her.  It is almost a habit to tease her or be mean to her.  As soon as she walks into the room, they are giving her a hard time.  Granted, when ds2 is alone with her, he treats her well and they play nicely, but when the boys are together, she is completely on the outside.

I would love a way to help them relate better to one another when they are all together. 

I’ve read ahead and know that the next chapter starts with some practical ways to teach honor to your kids.  Remember, you don’t have to have read the book to comment and you can start up with the book anytime!  Let us know if you’re reading along.

Filed under: Adult Reading Nook on June 24th, 2008 | No Comments »